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Joke of the Day

"My sister told me to ""take the spider out"" instead of ""kill"" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer."

Next Joke
 
"As a politician... You need to shake hands & kiss babies... ...and take good care not to confuse the two."
"John Travolta looks like the type of guy that would leave his toupee in a truck stop urinal for hours and then wear it to a musical."
"TIFU by exclusively using Linkin Park lyrics as replies at work and end up getting a warning letter from HR... But in the end. It doesn't even matter."
"Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die."
"What kind of dog is best at keeping secrets? hush puppies"
"Shout out to people that do not know what the opposite of in is!"
"I went to the doctor the other day and he told me I need to quit masturbating I asked why and he said ""because I'm trying to examine you!"""
"*wears an ""Only God Can Judge Me"" t-shirt to court*"
"Why do you forget a tooth as soon as the dentist pulls it out? Because it goes right out of your head."
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