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Joke of the Day

"The only joke my mom ever made was me"

"How do you stop an angry rhino from charging? You take away its credit card"

"Biotechnologists should invent a totally transparent groundhog. It'd look creepy as hell, but spring would come early forever."

"Yo mama head so big it shows up on radar."

"My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas. I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky..."

"Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle? Because the steaks were too high..."

"*at the gym* Trainor: Have a donut. Me: Wow! Sure! T: Here's some pizza. M: What kind of trainer are you? T: I'm a Megan Trainor."

"BREAKING: wind. I have just farted terribly."

"What would happen if you shot Donald Trump in the rump? You'd hit Christi in the head!"

"*wife grabs my wrist as I go overboard* Her: You're... slipping... Me: Pretend I'm the covers. *she easily pulls me to safety with one arm*"