63575

Joke of the Day

"My wife said ""vase"" wrong so I corrected her and now we know that it can just barely fit over my head."

"I wish I was an elevator... Because maybe then my wife would go down on me :c"

"My boss at Walmart said I have to stop Febreezing the homeless and that they aren't homeless, they're customers."

"Linkin Park My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday...she said she couldn't stand my Linkin Park references anymore, but I guess in the end...it doesn't even matter."

"Why are linear equations so easy to interrogate? Because they always give you a straight answer."

"This bathroom stall was quite a find. Not only does the toilet paper come in a book but it also has its own phone and a view of the city."

"Teacher: What is can't short for ? Pupil: Cannot miss Teacher: and what is don't short for Pupil: Doughnut !"

"Food trucks were invented by a guy who really loved fast food but hated how cheap it was & how he didn't have to stand in line forever."

"23% of traffic accidents involve cell phone use, but 77% do NOT involve cell phone use. Statistics don't lie. It's safer to use your phone."

"My friend takes helium recreationally. He speaks very highly about it."