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Joke of the Day

"Normally I can't dance to save my life, but as soon as I step in dog shit, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson"

"I just realized I'm a bisexual. Every time I have sex, I have to buy it."

"What did Vizzini say when he heard of your mom's abortion? Inconceivable."

"Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole? A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone"

"Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out."

"Word of advice: dont bother buying toilet paper marketed under the name of Chuck Norris... It's rough, tough, and doesn't take shit from anyone."

"I recently quit my job at a wind farm... It turns out i'm not a big fan"

"Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first."

"What's the best kind of alcohol for your liver? Nonanol."

"[Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot."