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Joke of the Day

"What did Vizzini say when he heard of your mom's abortion? Inconceivable."

"What's the difference between my girlfriend and a cow? Cows are real."

"What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Patient."

"A mugged turtle.. A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, ""I don't know. It all happened so fast."""

"After thinking about how bad the average person is at math I've realized that about 75% of people are worse."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil."

"Why is the alphabet of a pirate incomplete ? Because they lost an I."

"Facebook: People trying to save the world one uneducated post at a time"

"He died doing what he loved; shouting 'boo!' behind horses."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're all horrible sinners and you're going to hell."