195053

Joke of the Day

"Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first."

"What did the lunatic vacuum cleaner salesman say to his son before murdering him? Dyson."

"What kind of noodles do they eat in the hood? Spaghetto."

"""Are you the ghost of Christmas past?"" - what I ask a person with a flip phone."

"I got tired of smelling soggy tacos, so I quit working at Taco Bell. Also, the food smells like shit."

"I bought a new thesaurus the other day. It's nothing to write house about."

"A guy walks into a bar with a gun and shouts ""Which one of you fuckers is reposting jokes on r/jokes?"" A voice from the back called out ""I don't think you have enough bullets m8."""

"What do you call an asian who hates black people? A member of the Kru Krux Kran"

"The end of the month is like stubbing your little toe in the dark. You're probably broke and there's nothing you can do about it."

"After seeing the Kim Kardashian cover of Paper Magazine, Sir Mix-a-lot, reportedly tipped his hat, muttered that his work here was done and rocketed into space to return to his home planet Uranus..."