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Joke of the Day
"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't. That's it. That's the joke."
Next Joke
"My DNA results came back and apparently I'm .0002% aardvark. Which pretty much answers all the questions I've ever had. About anything."
"Where was the first chicken fried? In Greece."
"What do you call an Indian dating service? Connect the dots."
"""Treat Others the Way You Want to be Treated"" *Buys everyone snacks"
"Me: ""Hello? Yeah hi I'm calling about your commercial where the woman looks really happy cleaning the kitchen, what's her number?"""
"When someone asks if I want to hold their baby, I casually mention that I'm constantly tempted to see how far I can throw things."
"What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? How the hell are we going to find any eggs in all this shit!"
"Abortion... ...it brings out the kid in you."
"Have you heard about the new Emo pizza? It cuts itself!"