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Joke of the Day

"Robber: Give me your valuables Me: *hands him piece of paper* Robber: What's this? Me: My Netflix password."

"My girlfriend used Vaseline on a handjob today. I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off."

"What was tina turners pet name for Ike? Beats me"

"Mom: how's therapy Me: ok. my anxiety is better Mom: great Me: yeah Mom: Me: Mom: so did u get the article I sent u about the flesh eating b"

"There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can't drive a car and start behaving illogically."

"fill in the blank 1.) ""There once was a man from nan-tuck it, His balls were as big as a bucket"" 2.) ""What is the difference between a whore and a boxer"""

"My wife said to me, ""Isn't it odd how on our keyboard the letters ORPN have been worn out?"""

"I finally figured out why a sneeze is the equivalent of 1/8th an orgasm... I could foresee something unpleasant and unavoidable, it's now over and I can get on with my day."

"Just once, I'd ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I'm driving, especially considering I've had 12 beers."

"I have glasses but cannot see. I have feet but cannot walk. What am I? A riddle."