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Joke of the Day

"My signature move is texting ""There in 5"" while I'm 80 miles away and embroiled in a Kung Fu Dance battle with an uncouth cattle farmer."

"Having friends is like having a Porsche... I'd really like to have a Porsche."

"What did the Chinese fisherman say to his at-risk son? Stay on the junk, and you'll go far."

"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"*kills time while waitimg for train* oh no with time dead the train will never arrive"

"Why do you want to run for President? Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories."

"I heard if you fuck a horse... Your back to the future!"

"My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out."

"Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend? He's super clingy."

"Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what's in the bed and go to the fridge."