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Joke of the Day
"*kills time while waitimg for train* oh no with time dead the train will never arrive"
Next Joke
"A man was walking his dog through a graveyard... when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone. ""Morning!"", he says. The other man replies, ""Nope, just taking a shit."""
"Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain... You were waiting for the punchline but it never came."
"You know the 'Done' button you press to exit a video? How come it only sounds judgy and sarcastic after I've finished jacking off?"
"I like my women like I like my coffee Warm and a joy to wake up to in the morning : )"
"What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter? Nine and three quarters."
"The gardener asked me what I wanted him to do, I told him to water the plants... He points and asks ""water these?"", I said ""nah man, *pointing* WATER THOSE""."
"I found out today that if I just let go of the steering wheel, my car will drive itself. The catch is: my car is a terrible driver."
"Remember when parents said ""I'll give you something to cry about"" & were scared they'd hit us but they destroyed the housing market instead?"
"CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)"