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Joke of the Day

"What do Canadian banks and psych wards have in common? They both contain locked up loonies!"

"Whats the difference between a canoe and a jew? One tips the other doesn't."

"You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member. You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice."

"Why did the solar wind start having hot flashes? It was experiencing magnetopause."

"*requests to be buried in jaws of T-Rex skeleton so it looks like I went out fighting*"

"Store: help wanted Me: *applies for job* Store: ""no, not you"""

"At this late date, the only way I'm gonna be famous is if I save a baby from a fire. And the baby is filming the whole thing with his phone."

"I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always."

"My leg goes to sleep as soon as the dog starts humping it. I'm afraid they're married."

"Cop at the gym just puked when he saw me do squat-thrusts. Said he hadn't seen anything that hateful or violent since the LA riots."