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Joke of the Day

"You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member. You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice."

"Kardashian How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. They just hold it up because the world revolves around them."

"Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State building can't jump."

"Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!"

"If I had to eat a person I guess I would prefer a vegetarian. I like irony and prefer grass fed beef."

"I would never have a threesome. If I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents."

"What's the darkest dark humor joke you got? I start!.. What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"Watching real love on shows like The Bachelor makes me realize my own marriage is a fake bucket of shit."

"I think Tuesdays are worse than Mondays. You can't use ""It's Monday"" as an excuse."

"My girlfriend broke up with me because I am extremely handsome and too many girls want me She said something else about my chronic lying disorder but I wasn't really listening"