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Joke of the Day

"Thanksgiving is going to be hard this year because half my family dances to remember and the other half dances to forget."

"A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?"

"I've invented a new word. Plagerism http://reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2oy5fe/i_made_up_a_new_word/"

"I can't be Levi never tried speech wreck ignition soft wear be four. This is sofa king convene Yenta!"

"There's no ""I"" in meat, but there's ""me"" and ""eat"", and I don't know how vegans can argue with that logic."

"When brands use cool words like ""bae"" on social media, I drive straight to their nearest location with all my money, ready to buy products."

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? I can't marmalade my cock in your ass"

"Cogito Ergo Spud. I think, therefore I yam."

"My relationship status is a Taylor Swift song just waiting to happen."

"On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods."