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Joke of the Day

"My relationship status is a Taylor Swift song just waiting to happen."

"Did you hear about the shortsighted circumciser? He got the sack."

"Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don't know where I am."

"How do you know when you're at a gay picnic? The hot dogs taste like shit."

"[Founding Fathers] -But how do we get court witnesses 2 tell the truth? -They swear on a bible? -Thats stupid -Hey lunch's here -Done[gavel]"

"Sex is like bowling It can be great by yourself, but it's always better with multiple people."

"At 4am I'm pretty sure it's either too early or too late to start drinking. But if the vodka is in my cheerios, it's technically breakfast."

"I once opened a box of Life. All I found was disappointment."

"Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? A. The thought had never entered his head before."

"What do you call a electric Volkswagen? A **Volts**wagon"