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Joke of the Day
"A guy in Saudi Arabia once masturbated, breaking the law of the land. His name? Sheik Dawood."
Next Joke
"How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him."
"Hey, people who use crystals or all-natural products instead of deodorant: You don't need to keep informing us. We know."
"wife: dont say anythin stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?"
"HER:He doesn't trust me. THERAPIST:How so? HER:He's always spying on me. ME (dressed as Therapist):Really? THERAPIST:WTF HER:WTF ME:WTF"
"My drug dealer really cracks me up. Ayyy."
"When I say I'm as sober as a judge I mean Paula Abdul."
"What's the most flexible type of music group? An elastic band."
"""When someone is mad at you, that's THEIR problem"" and other advice from my upcoming book, Where Did All My Friends Go'"
"An emo vampire probably bites himself."