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Joke of the Day

"wife: dont say anythin stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?"

"The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having a brain, gives me hope for our next generation."

"Twitter would be a lot more interesting if when you hit someone with your car, you got their followers."

"How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian? Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented"

"Other girls think they are quirky because they pet dogs at parties. I on the other hand, fear death but also long for it"

"TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a... Baby shower."

"If you make fun of Rod Blagojavich's hair, there'll be hell toupee."

"How does the Japanese Bee Say Hello to Other Bees Wassup bee"

"Does England have a Fourth of July? They do, they just don't celebrate it."

"""Sorry we're late. We had to stop so I could pee."" ""For two hours?!"" ""Yeah. It came out really slow."""