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Joke of the Day

"BY COINCIDENCE By coincidence, the mom from Toy Story had adult toys named Woody and Buzz Lightyear"

"What do tornadoes and blondes have in common? When they show up there's a lot of sucking and blowing, but when they're gone, your house and car are gone too."

"What do you call an amphibian in hiding? Incognitoad."

"I asked my wife what women really want and she said attentive lovers. Or maybe it was ""a tent of lovers."" I wasn't really listening."

"No, autocorrect, I'm not ""pooping"" popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don't plan to text about it."

"What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other one's a fish."

"[NSFW] what did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip"

"I used to have a roommate who was always smoking in my apartment, but only with e-cigs. He died of e-cancer."

"Interviewer: ""What's your greatest accomplishment?"" Me: ""I was in a lot of people's MySpace Top 8s back in 2004."""

"I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1."