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Joke of the Day

"No, autocorrect, I'm not ""pooping"" popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don't plan to text about it."

"What does Neil Degrasse Tyson call orgies... ...the big bang courtesy of reds"

"Even better than breakfast cereal: Lunch cereal and dinner cereal."

"I would tell a joke about Jehovah's witnesses... But nobody likes knock-knock jokes"

"HALLOWEEN JOKE: Why don't witches ever have babies? Because warlocks have hollow weenies!"

"If you see a guy in an executioner's hood feeding a deer into a Coinstar today just let me do my thing."

"""Oh, THANK GOD. I'm still a dog"" What dogs probably think when they wake up from one of their little nightmares"

"""I'll never forget you Jack"" ""Can I float on that wood too, Rose?"" ""I'll always remember you"" ""Seems like there's room for--"" ""Goodbye Jack"""

"Life Pro Tip: Replace your shoelaces with earphone wires.. ... just look away and they'll tie themselves. (yes yes, it's not an original)"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a number 2 pencil."