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Joke of the Day

"What did little no armed Jimmy get for Christmas? Gloves! Haha I'm joking. He hasn't opened it yet."

"I saw a Nun with her clothes inside-out today... I asked her about it, and she said it was *a bad habit of hers*"

"How do you know if a girl is on her period? Shut up!"

"Car Talk So a transmission asks an engine, ""Yo Engine, hows things with you today?"" and the engine replies ""Oh you know, just another day in the hood..."""

"1. Invite snowmen into your conference room. 2. Turn up heat. 3. Negotiate on YOUR terms."

"Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly? Daughter: You're old, that's going to happen. Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT."

"How did the blind carpenter regain his eyesight? He picked up his hammer and saw."

"One time I bought these shoes from a drug dealer, and I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day"

"You have the face of a saint. Which one? Saint Bernard."

"All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty."