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Joke of the Day

"Car Talk So a transmission asks an engine, ""Yo Engine, hows things with you today?"" and the engine replies ""Oh you know, just another day in the hood..."""

"[hospital] ""Did my dad make it, doctor?"" Billy, your dad's in a better place now. [crying] ""HE'S DEAD?"" Haha no, he went to Disney World."

"I'm more emotionally invested in this sandwich than I am in most humans."

"Explaining KARMA! It's when you throw a banana in Mario kart, and then, you lose the race because you got caught up in your own banana!"

"I hope my childhood BFF forgot that silly pact we made at five to kill each other if we hadn't become ponies by 2015. She was really dark."

"(During sex) Pull my hair! No! Just the grey ones."

"Why are 90 degree angles so cocky? Because they are always right"

"I always hear voices when I go for a poo. Shitzophrenia."

"Ladies, never buy Activia yogurt because the rest of us are in line behind you thinking ""Awww, that poor girl can't shit without yogurt!"""

"They said I should follow my dreams So I went back to sleep."