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Joke of the Day

"I trimmed all the bushes in the front yard to make my house look bigger."

"Who the hell called them deadbeat dads instead of negli-gents?"

"How come no one tries to blow up the Pope? I thought he was inflatable."

"My husband is out w/friends & I'm at home w/the kids. I'm going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed."

"I tried to make belt out of watches... ...but it was just a waist of time."

"[date] Me: Are you a serial killer? You have to tell me if you are. Him: That's a cop. Me: Changing the subject, just like a serial killer"

"An apple a day keeps doctor away... ... so do the sticks and stones."

"Girls holding hands with gay guys, you don't fool me. Oh that's your bf. You still don't fool me."

"I was worried about the population problem But then I realized we just shouldn't give a fuck."

"A ghost from last century left a YellowBook at my door like the Internet never happened."