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Joke of the Day

"My husband is out w/friends & I'm at home w/the kids. I'm going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed."

"Went to kill a spider with a rolled up newspaper and all it did was sit there and laugh at me for still reading a newspaper."

"How do you kill lots of Anzacs in a small amount of time? By telling them to get out of the trench"

"I'm in the terminator musical. I'll be Bach."

"Why couldn't the alligator satisfy his lover? He had a reptile dysfunction."

"What do you call an exploding monkey? a BA-BOOM!"

"I'm sorry guys Why can't Sally ride the swings? Cause she doesn't have arms. Knock, Knock, Whose there? Not Sally..."

"I just ended a five year relationship. I feel like maybe that arguing couple at the store was none of my business."

"I'm never buying a fish fryer from Linkin Park ever again. I fried so hard, and got sole far, but in the end it doesn't even batter!"

"I always failed to understand how boomerangs worked until the other day i threw one then it hit me"