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Joke of the Day
"The iPhone SE just came out Finally a phone that Donald Trump can use."
Next Joke
"A man is in urgent need for transplant buttocks after an accident. Doctors report no end in sight."
"What do you call a Female Clown? A Clunt."
"Did you hear Obtuse Angle lost weight? He looks all right now."
"Me: Wow, 5k followers Wife: Is your top tweet still something I said? Me: Ya Wife: Then aren't they really MY followers? Me: *drinks heavily"
"One of my last days in town and my girlfriend asks me what I want to do, and I say we could just sit around. She says what will we sit around?"
"[heaven] IAN: I only regret the things I didn't do ME: Me too I: Like, I didn't swim with dolphins. You? M: I didn't stop poking a bear"
"Most days I feel like three kids stacked up on each other's shoulders, covered by a huge coat, trying to pass as one of all these grown-ups."
"Cinderella taught me that everything will work out just fine so long as you have unconscionably small feet."
"[Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!"