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Joke of the Day

"[heaven] IAN: I only regret the things I didn't do ME: Me too I: Like, I didn't swim with dolphins. You? M: I didn't stop poking a bear"

"I'm no sadist. Some of my best friends are sad."

"How many homeless guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 2, but I have no idea how you're gonna fit both of them inside a lightbulb."

"As a tall person... Study finds that shorter men will live longer but taller men have a higher shelf life."

"how can you drop a raw egg onto concrete floor without cracking it? Anyway you want, a concrete floor is very hard to Crack!"

"My grandmother treats me like a rock star By that I mean she lets me sign her tits"

"Listen, you should really give your mother a call. She's concerned that ""the haters"" in her Zumba class are organizing and gaining power."

"why did the cookie go to the doctors? ... because he felt crumby!"

"When I was in prison my bunk mates called me ""mitochondria"" because I'm the power house of the cell"

"What state is the highest on every top 50 list? Colorado."