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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher."

"[drops a pinch of fish food into fish tank] ME: here ya go little buddies FISH: oh wow pukey shit flakes again, thanks man"

"Knock Knock! ""Who's there?"" ""9/11."" ""9/11, who?..."" I thought you said you'd never forget!"

"Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then."

"Sharks are more likely to go and attack men than women So if you are swimming with women. Just punch it in the nose Then throw her towards the shark"

"what did one car say to the other? we are cars"

"Got a handjob from a blind girl last night She said ""You have the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."" I said ""Nah. You're just pulling my leg."""

"Why don't white girls like trigonometry? Because secant even."

"Truth or dare? -Truth. Ok, go. -I get sexually aroused by ALF. Okaaaay... -Your turn. Truth or dare? Um...dare. -Put on this ALF costume."

"Hey, are you Jewish? Cause you Israeli hot. My go-to joke at parties."