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Joke of the Day

"I don't watch wedding shows and get excited about getting married but I do watch Dateline and get excited about being murdered."

"Her: I want to have your babies. Me: You'll have to wait until they get off from school."

"Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings? Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats."

"My uncle, as an oncologist.... ... has a great sense of tumor."

"Define ""no more Twitter or I will leave you."""

"What would the news headline be if virginity could be restored? Unfucking Believable?"

"Why does the moon have no hair? because it's waxing"

"Why'd the chicken cross the court? Because he heard the ref was blowin' fowels.."

"What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She's going to be eating me!"

"I'm going to start rubbing myself up against people when they've got nice food. If it works for my cat, it'll work for me."