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Joke of the Day

"3 things that happened today 1. My friend says he hates reddit 2. My friend gets hit by a bus 3. I loose my bus driver license"

"My professor accused me of plagiarism His words, not mine."

"My rear view mirror broke off. No biggie, I'll just put one of my contact lenses in backwards."

"A Roman guy walks into a bar... He holds up two fingers and says ""Five beers please!"""

"Depression. Why treat it when you can end it?"

"Which grocery department is great for digestion and your ""constitution""? Pro-deuce."

"Gas is so cheap right now, I just buy a new car when I run out."

"Best garage sale ever! It's not advertised, nobody's here and it's all free! It's like my neighbor accidentally left his garage door open."

"I got 99 problems and each of them is being able to make relevant pop culture references."

"I like my chocolate like I like my men. Rich."