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Joke of the Day

"They should harvest the excess fat from fat people to turn into fossil fuels, to solve the world energy problems. Or world hunger."

"Hug your children. Hug your friends and family. Hug the cashier at Chipotle. Hug someone else's children. Hug the arresting officer."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Seven is a registered six offender."

"My daughter: Do you want a kiss daddy? Me: Of course. My daughter: Does it make you sad that no other girls want to kiss you? Me: Thanks."

"Mom Can we go out and play with granny? Yes, just don't bite her nails or I'll close the coffin"

"If your kid texts you questions about the price of replacing any household item, you will be replacing said item."

"Why is drinking American beer like making love in a canoe?"

"I've never lost a game of monopoly But I have lost a lot of friends."

"The people of Dubai were shown an episode of The Flintstones, and they don't like it... But apparently the people from Abu Dhabi do!"

"Did you hear about the condom that flew across the bedroom? It was PISSED OFF!"