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Joke of the Day

"Most unrealistic scene in Pacific Rim? Hundreds take shelter in a bunker during a monster attack. Not one person is tweeting."

"A girl told me she liked teasing So we went into the bedroom and I told her that she had a weird, misshapen nose and she suddenly started crying. Women and their mixed messages."

"I'm rubber, you're glue, we're both living a nightmarish existence as self-aware inanimate objects. Someone please kill us."

"[Witness Protection Program] So the more ordinary, mundane your new name is, the easier it'll be to blend into your new- BUBBLENUTS McFUNKY!"

"I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship."

"Whats the best part about sex with a pregnant woman? You get a blowjob from the fetus."

"A woman is doing the dishes when the front door opens... ...and in walks Nicholas Cage."

"My Mexican friend is so indecisive He's always on the fence"

"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously."

"Did you know Paul walker was on the radio when he died? He was also on the dashboard, the windscreen and the steering wheel."