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Joke of the Day

"A girl told me she liked teasing So we went into the bedroom and I told her that she had a weird, misshapen nose and she suddenly started crying. Women and their mixed messages."

"I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it.... Now I can truly think of myself as Independent."

"A blind guy once told me, ""Kid you're going to go places."" I told him, ""Dude. I'm over here."""

"Wife*outside bathroom door*:""I can hear ur keyboard clicking away. U tweeting in there?"" Me*pauses knitting*:""Uh, Ya"""

"What do you get when you put a car and a pet together ? Carpet !"

"Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life. That has to be most delicious form of suicide I have ever heard."

"One thing I've learned about getting older is that not everything is as how it appears. Or I need new glasses. Again."

"Who Shot JR ? by U Dunnit"

"Why are people still using a dictionary? I just type the words into Google and see if it corrects me."

"What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around here while I go on ahead."