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Joke of the Day

"I'm rubber, you're glue, we're both living a nightmarish existence as self-aware inanimate objects. Someone please kill us."

"Hey girls, you are not a ""mommy"" just because you own a dog. You have to have a kid to be a mommy. If you are a mommy, then I am a dragon."

"""Will you marry me?"" ""The cookie was poison"" ""The lotto numbers will never win"" Examples of why I got fired from writing fortune cookies"

"I sexually identify with the black guy in a horror movie because this won't last long and we all know it"

"Loaf me, loaf me, say that you knead me."

"*scrolling through Liam Neeson action movies* Sigh, why are all the good ones either GREY or TAKEN"

"How many sides does a pentagon have? Jet fuel can't melt steel beams."

"Why did people use insulation containing deadly toxins? It was asbestos they could do at the time!"

"Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc."

"How do you confuse a fish? You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner!"