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Joke of the Day

"[Witness Protection Program] So the more ordinary, mundane your new name is, the easier it'll be to blend into your new- BUBBLENUTS McFUNKY!"

"So there's a flash flood warning in my area. I didn't know floods could be exhibitionist. *^I'm ^so ^sorry*"

"Got a couple of real nice piles of dog shit on your lawn there. Sure would be a shame if something was to... you know, ""happen"" to them."

"Why does everyone love Plato? Because he loved Dogs and he had two sons named Plato and Socrates"

"I'll tell you what I know about midgets... Very little"

"Why do you never see a church with free Wi-Fi? Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works."

"What do you call a hard working machine? Juan Deer"

"Confucius say... Man who walk through airport sideways going to Bangkok."

"When mad at the hubby, I just tweet about it. I don't sleep with a waitress that looks just like him. I'm talking to you David Arquette."

"Nothing better than experiencing the majesty and wonder of the great outdoors on a really good television."