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Joke of the Day

"You're breaking up with me because I ""don't put food in the correct things?"" WTF? After I've JUST made you a delicious bowl of toast??"

"Thanks honey for rolling over at 3am and telling me I should get some sleep.In my insomnia stupor that hadn't crossed my mind."

"Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock."

"Why do ducks have flat feet? So they can stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? So they can stamp out flaming ducks."

"if you're hiding from a deranged killer and forget to put your phone on silent, at least make the ringtone the benny hill theme."

"Won a time machine on Ebay. Disappointed when I received a clock."

"Why is it easier for women to shave ""downstairs"" than men? They don't have to go through as many obsticles."

"I heard someone talking about all the potential health benefits of doing yoga, but I think it's a bit of a stretch."

"Gay men aren't fags. Guys who do 70mph, on a suburban side street, in their second-rate sports cars are fags."

"Sing to the tune of ""Yankee Doodle""... Helen Keller went to town, A-ridin' on a pony, Stuck a feather in her hat and called it ""Hunngunnggunufffungg"""