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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock."

"Just gonna say... Number of times Leonard Cohen died before Trump was elected - 0 Number of times after - 1 Draw your own conclusions..."

"8- Dad, why is there oxygen on earth, but not on any other planet? M- Are you sure you just don't want to know where baby's come from?"

"What does a bum call a dumpster. A Bed and Breakfast."

"Each year I get invited to go on vacation with the same group of annoying people but I can't say no because they're my husband & children."

"The Ninja Turtles went to a weapons store. They all got what they wanted except for Raphael They didn't have his sai's."

"What do you call a bunch of phones having sex? A 4G."

"What's the difference between HP computers and HP in a video game? One of them you want to see a lot less of."

"Holy shit. Just realized that my last girlfriend was born the same year I got my first credit card. And I'm not even hot like Larry King."

"If I ever have a need for a drag queen name, I just decided it's going to be Queef Latina."