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Joke of the Day

"Ok guys, I have 28 minutes to kill before I casually need to respond to a text message. What's up?"

"Why couldnt the bike stand on its own? Because it was two tired!"

"Request: biology jokes Hey guys I need some jokes for my biology class to liven things up a bit so gimme your best. ( pick-up lines and puns also acceptable)"

"""Give me 'bored.' Give me 'late for lunch.' Scowl at a tree. Scowl at a tree. Look at a bird like you hate it."" - book jacket photographers."

"Listening to your wife is like reading iTunes' user agreement... ... you don't understand anything, but you still agree with it."

"I'm a grammar nazi. I'm also a regular nazi, but that's a different story."

"*slips the attendant $20* ""make sure you pick me out a good one"" Sir this is a daycare... ""uh huh *winks* a daycare"""

"I like that the doctor always asks if I'm a smoker. When I say yes, he tells me I should quit. No shit? Thanks. Here's all my money."

"Whag did one cat say to the other? Meow"

"Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this."