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Joke of the Day

"""Give me 'bored.' Give me 'late for lunch.' Scowl at a tree. Scowl at a tree. Look at a bird like you hate it."" - book jacket photographers."

"What did the Dalai Llama play on stage at Glastonbury? Yakmanninov"

"My parents always said I was artistic. They were very modest, so they only ever whispered it to each other."

"What do you call a drummer in a three piece suit? The Da-da-defendant."

"I entered 10 puns into a contest last week. Do you know how many won? No pun in ten did."

"For Sale Parachute: Only used once, never opened Small stain"

"I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt."

"If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet."

"Who would kick The Rock's ass in a fight? Paper."

"Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I. -Oscar Levant."