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Joke of the Day

"*slips the attendant $20* ""make sure you pick me out a good one"" Sir this is a daycare... ""uh huh *winks* a daycare"""

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day."

"Feminist I don't understand why women want to be equal when they could be better. That shows a lack of ambition to me. Which is why men are better."

"If a stork symbolizes birth what type of bird symbolizes birth control? A swallow"

"Henry Tudor: ""I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester."" Richard III: ""Over my dead body."""

"Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I'm going to save so much money on college."

"What I say: No! What my kids hear: There's a really good chance if you keep asking."

"The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation ""Lettuce pray"""

"What did the disappointed paraplegic say? I will not stand for this."

"Whatever, low battery indicator. You're not the boss of"