142025

Joke of the Day

"Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this."

"""My wife and I are SO in love. Always finishing each other's..."" (silence) (silence) *Russian accent* ""You give me Green Card now, yes?"""

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Venus de Milo Barbie ...made of rock; no head no arms"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Arbus ! Arbus who ? Arbus leaves in 5 minutes ?"

"Dolly Parton and Princess Diana Go To Heaven"

"People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old"

"I don't like the Man I become when I answer Dora before my toddler does"

"3 women went to a bar... And they wanted to know how lose they are.. * The first one slid in a hotdog * The second slid in a cucumber * And the third one went down the bar stool"

"TWITTER: something just isn't clicking here HORDE OF RACIST EGGS: [cacophony of immoral filth] TWITTER: eliminate the looping video service"

"My Executive Director said to me ""Well aren't you an eager beaver"" I was like ""Oh my God, Why? What have you heard???"""