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Joke of the Day

"Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn't doing his part of the chores around here"

"Mustaches: they're growing on you."

"Everybody just wants to get off... ....This elevator because that guy stinks"

"I was in bed last night with my wife. She turns to me and says ""If you turn the lamp off, I'll take it up the arse."" I should have waited for the bulb to cool down."

"Relationship status: LOL"

"It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's me standing behind the Subway sandwich artist helping him make my sandwich."

"I'm starting a fight club... First rule is tell everyone you know because I have no members yet"

"What is the friendliest kind of aircraft? A Hello-copter."

"Your mom is so dumb. She thought fruit punch was a gay boxer."

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"