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Joke of the Day

"""My date was cute but he couldnt perform in the bedroom."" *cuts to me in bedroom butchering Wonderwall on guitar* i swear this never happens"

"Your mom can deduct mouthwash and contraceptives as business expenses on her tax return. Because she's a ho."

"My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I have a gambling problem I think she's bluffing"

"The sweater you left is in the closet. just like you."

"A wise man once said, ""Science bring people to the moon..."" ""...and planes bring people into buildings."""

"What will Donald Trump definitely do when he wins the election? Donald Trump will ban muslim, be a douchebag,make the whitehouse 500x larger and of course, BOMB NORTH KOREA!"

"Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor? He was feeling a bit Sikh"

"What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ? A little bear !"

"A joke about Muhammad [removed]"

"Diagnose Doctor: Well, those results look bad... Patient: How bad are they? Doctor: It depends, how old are you? Patient: I will be 24 soon. Doctor: Pffff, no you won't."