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Joke of the Day

"[at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello"

"Oh no I got so excited that you texted me that I accidentally replied 11 thousand times and then swung into your house on a rope"

"Whats the difference between toast and Frenchmen? You can make soldiers out of toast."

"How do People in New Orleans have their beer? Watered Down"

"What did the one wall say to the other wall? Meet you at the corner!"

"President's Day is just a holiday invented by Presidents to sell more Presidents."

"A guy walks in a library: - Do you have motivational books here? - Yes darling, right there, 3rd row, the second shelf. - Do you have any books closer?"""

"Me: Watcha got there? 8: Lemonade. Me: What kind? 8: Mike's Me: Nooooooo"

"Instead of regular Christmas cake, I hit my Italian neighbor over the head with a saucepan Pan-a-tony"

"A parachutist died I didn't know him but his friend said he was a real ' down to earth' guy"