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Joke of the Day

"President's Day is just a holiday invented by Presidents to sell more Presidents."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing they're both stuck up bitches."

"Why is it so hard to find Tylenol in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all. . . . Explanation: Parrots eat 'em all = paracetamol = acetominophen = Tylenol"

"the closest I've ever come to a threesome was when I was mowing the lawn and I got hit in the face by two dragonflies having sex in mid air"

"Breaking news!? Shark sighting off Daytona shores. It's the ocean! That's where they live. I saw a bird in the sky. Report that too!"

"Coworker: ""How was your weekend?"" Me: ""You know, they killed Socrates because he asked too many questions."""

"What's yellow and black that makes you laugh? A bus full of niggers going over a cliff."

"Why is ISIS going after programs? Because they are executable"

"What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in. "

"I think calling them maggots is insensitive... they should be referred to as larvasexuals."