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Joke of the Day

"Wife: He keeps his friend close so he doesn't lose him Therapist: Not a bad thing Me [yawns and a bee flies from my mouth]: Come back Alan"

"Dude, what part of ""I don't speak your language"" don't you understand?"

"How do you know a Brigham Young student's been mowing the lawn? The welcome mat is destroyed."

"I hit on an older woman on a dating site and she rejected me by saying ""is your dad available?"" So i responded to her by saying ""yeah, but i dont think he is into threesomes."""

"Freda: Boys whisper they love me. Fred: Well they wouldn't admit it out loud would they?"

"What's the difference between the space shuttle and a 2.5 kiloton bomb? The crew."

"I enjoy quaint, old-fashioned customs like being nice to people."

"My mate needed a bit of help building his clock. So I gave him a hand."

"Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way you'll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M."

"Patriots new theme song [could it be anything else?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uuzmub5PXNQ)"