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Joke of the Day

"Freda: Boys whisper they love me. Fred: Well they wouldn't admit it out loud would they?"

"I used to be addicted to the ""Hokey Pokey"" song, I couldn't stop listening to it again and again and again... But I turned myself around."

"When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer..it's ""art"" and ""music"". But when I do it...I'm ""wasted"", and ""have to leave Home Depot""."

"How do you make an orange turn red? Get John Boehner to cry."

"I was having dinner with my folks when dad called me a son of a bitch. I said, ""Listen, I don't disagree--but she's sitting right THERE."""

"'My train was late' should be enough excuse to take the day off. Bosses please note."

"Want to solve the energy crisis? Develop a car that runs on self-delusion. Me and my fellow Americans have an unlimited supply."

"What do you get for the man who has everything? Nothing. Fuck that guy."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but only if the lightbulb really *wants* to change."

"I couldn't find my credit card this morning. Someone must have swiped it. I'm sorry."