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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the space shuttle and a 2.5 kiloton bomb? The crew."

"In the prison shower... If you bend over, you can really hit those high notes."

"Why did Microsoft name their new web browser ""Edge""? Because people familiar with the U2 guitarist of the same name are already used to long delays."

"If I had a nickel for every time I got distracted... I'm in the mood for some ice cream."

"what do you call a lazy kangaroo? a pouch potato"

"but how do I know if a guy hates me FOR ME"

"*cat lays on my leg* *I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won't leave* *I move half an inch* *cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*"

"Why are women called bitches? Because they both run after sticks and balls."

"A gay guy punched me the other day for no reason. Why? Because gay guys are fucking assholes. I'll show myself out."

"I TEXTED MY BOSS... ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?... HE ANSWERED: ""I don't know?"" I REPLIED: ""I'm not coming in this morning!"""