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Joke of the Day

"My mate needed a bit of help building his clock. So I gave him a hand."

"I received an envelope full of semen today The mail came"

"What do sea monsters like to eat? Fish and ships"

"A hooker is a lot like a Christmas gift... It's fun to unwrap, but you never know what you're gonna get."

"What did the man say when the bass was too loud for his ears? ""That megahertz"" What did the woman get in response when she asked if his ears were okay? 100 watts"

"Bath time without my phone: 10 minutes Bath time with my phone: 45 minutes 75 retweets 1 wrinkly baby"

"Is Bill Cosby guilty? Is Bill Cosby guilty of all these crimes against women? Well, we shall see, cuz the proof is in the pudding!"

"I always wondered why a Frisbee looks like it gets bigger & bigger the closer it comes to you.. and then it hit me."

"[an octopus seeing a snake for the first time] OMG a foot!"

"The Suicide Bomber Teacher said to his student... ""Come here and listen closely, I'm only gonna show you this once""..."