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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Mexico live up to it's full potential in the Olympics? Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, and swim are in America."

"""I'm still years behind on Breaking Bad so I expect the entire internet not to discuss it until it's convenient for me."" - Idiots"

"How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Norris? *All of it.* *All of the wood.*"

"Some Days you're the dog and some days the hydrant."

"1st girl @ the moon: - Houston, we have a problem - What happened? - Nothing, doesn't matter - Come on - Nothing.. - Tell me - U should know"

"My wife walked out on me, telling me it was over. I just sat there eating my popcorn, watching the end credits."

"I tried suing Amtrak for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case."

"As technology gets lighter, thinner, and faster... People get heavier, thicker, and slower."

"I want to invent an intravenous drug. I will name it Lord's Name, and people will be taking the Lord's Name in vein."

"What is the blackest of magics? Negromancy."