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Joke of the Day

"Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night."

"How do you pick up women in Auschwitz? With a broom & dustpan."

"If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?"

"I've been seeing a lot of commercials for lawsuits concerning metal on metal hip implants. I'm going back in time and getting a hipster implant, before metal was cool."

"My favorite sexual position is the JFK... It's where I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"Why I think North Korea is a bad place [deleted]"

"I should buy my girlfriend a plunger for christmas because she loves to bring up old shit."

"Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the ""Caution Wet Floor"" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle."

"You'd think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good."

"I'm no scientist, but if that ebola virus is communicable, that means WE CAN TALK TO IT."