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Joke of the Day

"Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the ""Caution Wet Floor"" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle."

"One of my favorite things about Walmart: the impulse buy is no longer a breathmint, it's an entire rotisserie chicken."

"I used to own a nocturnal horse... She was a nightmare."

"You'll sleep when you're dead?...that's adorable. Well, I'll lose weight when I'm dead, so pass the doughnuts."

"Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period."

"So I go in for my physical... And the doctor says ""I need a semen, stool, and urine sample."" I say ""Gee doc, I'm in a big hurry. Can I just leave my underwear?"" *Taken from Bill Paxton in Predator 2.*"

"[wife crosses out another baby name off the list] What? What's wrong with Carlos Danger Grenades?"

"A redhead tells her blonde step-sister that she slept with a Brazilian... ...and she replies with ""Omg! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"""

"Packing Do gays really have a lot of s**t to pack before moving?"

"How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter. They will just keep reposting the same lightbulb."