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Joke of the Day

"Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the ""Caution Wet Floor"" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle."

"Cemetery I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a guy behind a gravestone. I said ""Morning."" He replied, ""No, just taking a shit."""

"My girlfriend is like Windows... She's 10."

"My dick is like an anchor... If it extends, I'm not going anywhere until it retracts."

"Why don't they allow lesbians to play baseball? When they get to third base they think they've scored"

"Sometimes I like to sit at the playground & wait for a concerned Mother to ask ""Which kid is mine?"" I like to reply ""I haven't decided yet."""

"What do you call 2 crackers arguing? White noise."

"A Woman's place is not in the kitchen Cause that's where all the knives are."

"A man with a gun enters a bar... ...""Who had sex with my wife?"" he snarled. A muffled voice heard in the background said, ""You don't have enough bullets for that mate."""

"my favorite part about magazine interviews with actors are the 3 first paragraphs describing how they entered the hotel and sat down"