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Joke of the Day

"You'd think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good."

"Why was the calendar nervous? It's days were numbered!"

"Do you need a bag? I had just bought a box of condoms when the cashier asked, ""Do you need a bag?"" I replied, ""No, she's not that ugly."""

"Disclaimer: My jokes are not always based on true events. Use as directed. Side effects may include genital swelling & loss of lunch."

"""Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' I asked. ""It's not unusual"", he replied."

"If you do a Google Image search for the number '241543903', you will find out why the human race is so fantastic."

"Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you. Me: WHY? YOU THINK I'M 8 OR SOMETHING? Her: No, sorry... Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen."

"I got a purebred Beagle puppy for my wife I thought it was an awesome trade."

"Chris Rock and Drake Bell should make a Christmas special together, about making a song for a product... ...and call it ""Jingle Bell Rock."""

"Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds Poor bastard"